Am I a Criminal?

Today, the US government asked me to send a letter to complete my request for a form. That letter needed to state that I declared myself a US resident under penalty of perjury.

The office lady at school, upon reading the letter and not quite understanding it became concerned that I was a felon! This prompted a call to my go-between, who came down, read the statement, and could not understand it. My explanation, though I found this out later, that it is a common legal form of promise lead to the two hour deciphering of the letter by several English teachers. They, of course, could not ask their native English speaker (me) about it as I might have been a felon.

Later in the day, my go-between came up to me and told me how she had understood the letter and was glad I was not a felon! This confused me, which is when I found out the whole story.

Adventures of Shu

Adventures of Shu

How Do They Get Those Socks To Stay Up

The girls at my highschool all seem to have bought perfect white socks that stay up, pressed to their calf throughout the entire day. The line is perfect and accentuates the strength garnered from walking up a mountain to school everyday. When I used to wear white knee socks in the early eighties for gym class in my public school, our socks always dropped, sagged and fell around our ankles. Of course, the boy style navy blue daisy dukes never dropped. They rode right up your ass!

So, where do they get these perfect socks?

I decided to do some research. Now, being a foreign male in Japan it is practically impossible for me to ask a high school girl about her legs without appearing to be a TSUKEBE (pervert) hell bent on every OBAASAN`S (Grandmothers) worst nightmare. That meant, I couldn`t ask without fear of my shins and ribs. Damn those Obaasanns!

My Solution was to simply time my arrival and departure times with the students. I figured that maybe, not all socks were perfect OR that I would catch someone going into a particular sock store at the station. My mornings paid off.

Coming around the corner, the second day into my new schedule, I saw a group of students pause at a house and wait for their friend to come out for school. While waiting, they proceeded to fold their socks down by one inch, apply a GLUE STICK, and then hold the sock in place for 20 seconds. Perfects socks, just add glue.